Gifting Etiquette - What’s In and What’s Out

Hey there, lovely readers! Today, we're diving into the world of etiquette, but don’t worry - there’s no need to dust off your knowledge of placements for forks, knives, and napkins. Since you’re on the Peace Lily blog, you’ve probably guessed we’re talking about something a bit more relatable: gifting etiquette.

In our post-truth, anything-goes world, you might wonder, “Who actually cares about etiquette anymore? What’s the point? How does it benefit anyone other than causing feelings of self-consciousness and judgment if I make a mistake?” It’s easy to think of etiquette as something reserved for the seriously posh, with too much time on their hands, seeking a way to feel superior.

Hold up—let’s unpack this together!

Before we tackle those thoughts and mindset, let’s explore what etiquette really means. Many folks imagine it as a set of rules for behaviour in ‘polite’ society, often conjuring mental images of Jeeves the butler. I’d argue that it’s not about rigid rules. At its heart, etiquette is about being considerate of others. It’s more universal than you might think and definitely not just limited to those with butlers. In these unpredictable times, many of us may find comfort in clearer guidelines, routines, and rituals – thinking of etiquette as such a "tool" for clarity could be reassuring amid the seeming chaos we are currently witnessing.

So, let’s dive into what etiquette looks like from a gifting perspective—both as a giver and a receiver. No napkins needed!

Question 1: What are the top modern gifting "rules" I should know about?

When it comes to ‘new gifting rules,’ I’d say there aren’t any strict ones. Instead, as a giver, focus on the recipient. Think about what they would genuinely appreciate. As a recipient, in receiving a gift, be kind in your acceptance however you may feel about the gift.

It’s all about thoughtfulness. Whether a giver or receiver, always tune into your conscience too!

Question 2: Should I say thank you for receiving a gift, and is it okay to do so by text?

With thoughtfulness and meaningful as your guiding principles, yes, it’s acceptable to say thank you by text BUT consider the person you’re sending the message to and the timing. If your grandma or grandpa has taken the time to pick out and send you a meaningful gift and crafted the most poetic heartfelt card and is not into modern gadgets (aka smart phones!) or in fact is not keen on texts, a thousand smiley face, red heart or folded hands emojis won't cut it. Sending a handwritten card may be more appropriate in this instance than a text. Do it sooner rather than later!

However, if you’re thanking tech-savvy teenagers or younger family members who’ve remembered to get you a gift, some may be very happy with text messages and may tell you a return thank you card was rather wasteful and inconsiderate of the environment. But again, I do have a very young niece who spends hours crafting birthday cards and gifts, and for her a return card inevitably makes her heart sing.

So, the simple answer? It depends!

Question 3: What if I don’t like a gift? Can I ask for a receipt?

Honestly, I think you can and you should be able to - but do it sensitively! You may need to explain why you need the receipt - just tell the truth. It could merely be a sizing or colour issue, or you don’t need or like it or prefer something else. Hey, it may just not be your style. Being honest could save you years of getting the same sort of gift you don’t quite fancy, or would prefer not to have.

Many stores now offer gift receipts and many people do remember to include those with their gifts. So in today’s world there’s more of an understanding that gifts may not be quite right, not always hitting the mark and may need to be returned or exchanged.

Question 4: Is it okay to sell unwanted gifts?

This question often ties into the larger topic of re-gifting, but let’s focus.

The short answer again - is ‘yes’ it depends! Consider your intentions, reasons and the situation. For instance, if you have been gifted a family heirloom from your parents-in-law that you utterly detest? It may be best to discuss this with them before putting it up for sale. You wouldn’t want them to stumble on it wherever - online or in an antique store! 

Ultimately if the gift could be better served or appreciated by someone else, rather than stashed under the stairs gathering dust for years, it may be worth considering selling it on. But remember there are several other options like re-gifting (and that’s another whole discussion in itself!).

Question 5: Should I match the value of gifts I’m given? On my birthday someone got me an expensive gift.

Oh goodness, that’s a straightforward no!

Gift-giving isn’t a competition and should be appreciated beyond the monetary value of the physical item. It may be helpful to step back and reflect on the intentions behind the gift. Do you understand the motivations of the person who gifted you something for your birthday? Perhaps they chose what they felt was the most suitable gift for you, and for them the monetary value was insignificant. Alternatively, they might have gone all out to impress you.

You should also consider your own intentions when thinking about matching the gift's value. Are you genuinely giving from the heart, or are you trying to show that you can match their spending power? By answering the question of your intentions, it should help you arrive at the best approach that feels right for you. Understanding your intentions will guide you to the best decision.

Question 6: I’m looking for advice on gifts for my children’s teachers. Last year, with only one of my three kids in school, I happily gave a "Best Teacher" mug and chocolates. Now that my twins have started school, I have three teachers and I'm having second thoughts about gifting three more mugs and chocolates again.

This is a fantastic question for this time of year! It’s completely understandable to have reservations about your gift choice. While teachers certainly appreciate the thought behind a gift, one has to wonder how many "Best Teacher" mugs anyone can truly use. Consider a class of 20—what if every parent chose the same gift?

Here’s my suggestion: collaborate with other parents to figure out what would truly delight the teachers. You might consider pooling your resources for a special hamper (I can assist you in sourcing artisan and eco-friendly hamper options - what a surprise!), or perhaps you all could contribute to gifting an experience if that’s what any of the teachers would prefer. Alternatively, some of the teachers might appreciate having the funds allocated for classroom resources instead.

Question 7 - What exactly does personalisation mean in gifting? I’ve heard a lot about it, but do I really need to do it?

Firstly, personalisation has a wide range of interpretations when it comes to gifting. It can include anything from handwritten cards to photos and names on items, or even engraved jewellery.

What one person considers an exciting form of personalisation might be seen as tacky by someone else. While some people might delight in receiving gifts with their faces, images or memorable moments slapped on, others may feel less comfortable with such displays. As I mentioned earlier, the key is always to tune into what is thoughtful and meaningful for your recipient.

Whilst if you prefer maintaining a sense of elegance, I’d recommend that your personalisation efforts at the very least include a thoughtfully crafted card—especially for those who appreciate words of affirmation. This simple gesture can truly warm their hearts. The very essence of personalisation lies in selecting a gift that makes your recipient feel seen and valued. Keeping this in mind, you can’t go wrong; this is ultimately what personalisation should achieve or feel like.

Did you enjoy these questions and answers? Feel free to send more my way, and I’ll help you navigate your gifting etiquette and dilemmas! If you have a different perspective on any of the questions, I would love to hear from you too!

Warmly,

Dele

Author: Dele Kehn-Alafun

July 2025